Care norway ‘s “Dear Daddy” video for their campaign against sexism is a joke ! Relax Guys ! (5600 words)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP7OXDWof30

This video isn’t about a sexually abused girl, it was made to raise people’s awareness on the matter of homosexual or very quiet/shy/unmanly/clumsy dads and girls’ need to be reassured about their sexuality.

It is also a joke. They pretend to send you a message about sexism which should make people “care” more and understand it more and they send you the most sexist and uninformed message we’ve seen this year. It’s a joke made to check whether people are truly going to follow the girl that far into hypocrisy, self-hate, victimization and misandry.

See, the father of the girl in this video is homosexual (I’ll choose this option for now). He looks very beautiful, long hair, an earring, very sensitive, I know, it is a prejudice but be honest, it did occur to you that he looked a bit gay. And the second dad we see too, the one who brings his little girl to school. I just mean that if you have to give the feeling that a man is homosexual and you only have one shot to do so, you do something like that.

As the girl grows up, she develops a sexuality and is lost because her dad, who isn’t attracted to women, cannot acknowledge it spontaneously. She needs sexual recognition and can’t get it from him, directly or indirectly. He will never say anything about an actress he finds attractive or a woman in general. The poor little girl has no clue about what she should do to express her urges and to look like a sexual being, like a mature woman, in the eyes of men. Her dad is the first man she’s ever loved and he is clearly not sensitive to her charms.

Slowly she starts to feel that her sex urges are wrong and unwelcome and also, that she is unattractive. She would need him to show that he is attracted to her mother or to any woman but he obviously doesn’t. As her mother is very discreet and not very active sexually, that’s why she had her baby with a homosexual man, the girl feels more and more that her sex urges are wrong.

Hurt and dismayed, she starts to dress more explicitly, she wants to attract looks, she wants every men to look at her, business men, old men, boys, fathers, homeless men, the garbage collectors, her dentist, her doctor. But all she gets is insults from boys (girls?) her age. When she talks about being fourteen and already having been called a “whore, a bitch, a cunt,” the video shows you a girl from behind in the main corridor of a school; she is wearing a skirt and pulls on it as if she wished it were longer. But the skirt is truly very short and she is the only pupil wearing something so noticeable and sexy in the shot ; the three other girls are wearing perfectly unnoticeable clothes. She truly stands out. She wants to be looked at, she wants to be acknowledged.

Just before, when she warned her father about boys, inferring that there is a problem with them, all of them, we can see several shots of extremely beautiful young boys who look sweet and like they wouldn’t touch a fly. Are these the boys who will insult and rape her ? NO. These boys are the ones she is going to fancy like hell.

The purpose of this introduction is to make the viewer believe that she is going to introduce to her father the fact that when she is fourteen, she will certainly want to have sex or will at least want to be allowed to have boyfriends and go out without having to deal with an intrusive, jealous and hurt dad.

But instead of tackling the topic of the girl’s growing libido, suddenly, it’s about boys insulting her. The audience is surprised, that’s unexpected. What she says is very strange : after stating that she’s been called a “cunt,” a “whore” and a “slut,” she adds “it’s just for fun of course. It’s something boys do, so you don’t worry.”

It seems that she is quoting her dad and it is thus hard to imagine how the boys originally voiced their “insults.” The thing is, there truly are several ways of calling a girl a “slut” or a “bitch.” There truly is a respectful way of saying it and a despiseful way. You have to remember that the boys too are fourteen and unexperienced. So, they could just voice their unsettlement in front of a girl who so unabashingly exposes herself, honestly and naively believing that she is very experienced sexually; or they could truly insult her to show their contempt, you know… like fourteen years old girls do very well too.

If the problem comes from “Boys” it’s because, just like the mother who is inexistent, the girls don’t matter. She isn’t hurt by girls because she is not attracted to them. When the father says “It’s just for fun of course. It’s something boys do, so you don’t worry,” he does not understand the question of his daughter because he fails to see how much she craves for sexual recognition. She is not complaining about what the boys called her, she is asking “Am I a slut for wanting to be looked at and desired ?” She is worried that they might be right.

The answer she needs is “No, it’s ok baby, maybe you’re overdoing it a little bit, but boys always come to sexual maturity after girls and thus are easily scared by them when they change into young women and they start to react physically. But that’s ok my baby, it’s normal that you want to be attractive.”

And there, she would have said: “Do you find me beautiful Daddy ?” And he would have answered “Yes of course. You are astonishing and I’m sure some guys will fancy you very soon... and will fantasize that you’re having sex together”

“Too much details dad !”

“Sorry, but it’s fine if you fantasize that a boy fantasizes on you”

“DAD !”

“Ok, but truly. Everything is fine baby.”

Instead he just gives her a non answer and takes her for an idiot. “It’s just something boys do.” “Why ?” “Because you know... they like sex, they like to talk about sex, they like to joke about it with women but you my darling, you have to remain innocent and naïve ! You should do as if you weren’t part of all that, as if you didn't like sex jokes, as if you didn't want to talk about sex, as if you had no sex drive whatsoever, even if you feel like you're boiling inside with the desire to be taken.”

If her dad had considered her a normal sexual being who knows what’s going on with boys, she would have been able to stand up to them. But after such a conversation, she is convinced that her sexuality is wrong, abnormal. It didn’t occur to him that there might be a reason why boys are calling her a slut, and to her, his ignorance means that the things that she feels in her belly, and her urges are wrong. Moreover, she might truly have already done something to "deserve" these words (letting some guys explore her body in a dark corridor, having sex, giving a boy a felatio) and could now seriously need to be relieved from the guilt induced by all those who know about it and are judging her.

There, the video’s voice over becomes even more schizophrenic than it already was as the girl seems to address the audience as well as her father with the experience of a grown woman when she is supposed to be a fetus. Obviously, the idea of having a fetus talking raises some problems but until that moment it worked. The fetus, the unborn, is purity, innocence and powerlessness. It is used as a mean of underlining that she couldn’t do anything about what(ever) happened/will happen and that she has no responsibility in it whatsoever (which is a lie). But suddenly, she stops being the passive victim and takes on a somewhat judgmental tone which doesn’t work with the idea of the harmless fetus :

“Perhaps you did the same when you were young, trying to impress some of the other boys. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it. Still, some of the people won’t get the joke. And funnily enough it’s not etc…”

The expression “trying to impress some of the other boys” is very different from “trying to impress the other boys.” She is not accusing her father of submitting to his gender role or to an exterior gaze, she refers to something much more personal and specific. This hints at his homosexuality, he might have insulted some girls because he wanted to seduce some boys. Actually, this might just be an attack at the dad. He is not really homosexual, it's just the girl being bitter about his incapacity to acknowledge her femininity. (Let's leave the homosexual point here, I just needed it to make things a bit clearer).

This passive aggressive explanation (every boy insults girls but it's an innocent joke but full of tragic consequences), which started when she left the car, carries on until she is drunk on a couch with a boy some years later. If we follow her reasoning, it is the general calling of girls “bitches” that brought about the situation in which a boy puts his hand in her pants when she is drunk at a party. This is completely arbitrary and fallacious and more, her behavior on screen totally contradicts what she is saying.

There is a subtle problem with that. If we follow her logic, it is because of her dad that a guy is “abusing” her. The fact that her daddy didn’t tell her that wanting to have a sex life was fine transformed into “Daddy used to insult girls when he was a boy.” But nothing is said about that, she doesn’t know, she is only fantasizing it because she cannot imagine one second that he is not aware of women’s libido or shy (or ashamed too) and thus, if he doesn’t say anything, it means that he does not condone it.

So when this guy touches her at the party, and she thinks that makes her a slut (to enjoy it), she actually sees her judgemental dad in him.

The images don’t show a girl who is angry and judgemental or shocked or ashamed, who starts crying and go hide in the bathroom or slaps the poor guy but a girl who is extremely aroused, laughs and kisses him and who, after she has removed his hand from her pants, gives him a look that says “I want to make love to you so much,” and then bursts out laughing as a sign of drunkenness, to get rid of some of the guilt.

Then, the boy leaves like “fuck you bitch” and she remains shocked and hurt on the sofa. The problem is that, she is neither as stupid as she would want us to believe nor as innocent. When flirting at a party, it is really not difficult to discriminate between a guy who wants to have sex and a guy who wants to befriend you or if it’s both.

If the guy leaves as soon as she says “no touching in that area” it is because he realizes that she is playing with him. She acts all like “look I’m a mature woman” and suddenly she shies away and still gives him this intensely sensual look.

She brings us to believe that he leaves because he only wanted to have sex, because he is an asshole and that her naive and innocent self was manipulated and hurt. But the truth is, there are other very probable scenarios that nobody ever talks about and I’m glad Norway Care is bringing that up. It is really cool that they made the girl so obviously contradictory.

If the guy is experienced, he knows the kind of girl he has in front of him and he knows there is nothing waiting for him on that road but pain. She will make him beg for mercy. (Like she does with her future Mr.Perfect)

And if he truly fancied her, he certainly has been very humiliated by her gesture because if women don’t like to be called “sluts” men can also feel extremely vexed and hurt when a girl suggests that she consider their behavior creepy or improper as if it was degrading. When she removes his hand, that she desperately wants, from her pants, she acts as if he was soiling her. How flattering. The guy only followed his impulses and she was fine with it until suddenly, out of nowhere, he becomes dirty and abusive and criminal. This is violent and humiliating and all the more so when the poor guy takes the girl seriously, when he considers her a responsible individual and doesn't spot the huge hypocrisy. That is something which is very important, girls who feel ashamed of their sexuality just destroy men. In fact they create rapists or men who can’t take women seriously as a defense mechanism... or men who find it hard to get involved emotionnally and tend to focus on sex.

This guy reacts abruptly, but it is probable that it actually is because he cared about what was going on, not the contrary. Women complain about how they are treated by men, but men are treated as if they had no feelings, as if there was no need to take them into account. And why is it so ? Because taking men’s feelings and emotions into account would underline how irresponsibly and harmfully girls like the main character of this video behave.

Another proof of her contradiction is that she complains that this had already happened several times. She says this as though she had been abused. The fact that she is drunk makes the word flash in our minds, except that if truly it was that systematic (and she was scared of it happening again), she would have stopped drinking like a fish at every party. Plus, the images are absolutely not images of a girl being abused; she is perfectly conscious of and happy about what’s happening.

Thankfully, the girl’s contradictions are made very obvious. She complains “And although I say no, they just laugh.” I love the use of this feminist common place. The usual accusation regarding sexual abuse is that the girl says “no” and the man does not listen and rapes her. There, her trauma is that she says “no” and they "laugh." They laugh, and then, they do not rape her. Where is she abused ? At worst, on the images, she is hurt by a guy who only wanted to have sex with her and is disappointed. “Wahou, so abusive. Such a monster ! She says “no” and he leaves her alone ! What a bastard !

“I say “no” and they laugh” because her contradictions stick out a mile and she tries to transform them into “men sexually harass girls.” Also, who is laughing ? Is there anyone laughing in the video ?

In reality, her trauma is not that she is being abused, it is that she behaves incoherently and does not understand what is going on. When the boy leaves her on the couch, she cannot guess whether he does so because of the very aroused look she gave him or because she removed his hand from her pants. “Where did I fuck up !?! I’m sorry.”

(One thing I’d like to underline; when she says that boys end up believing “jokes” to introduce the “hand in the pants” scene, she infers that if she had accepted his caresses it would have made her a slut, and she means it in a dispiseful sense. Imagine how her message would make other girls, who like sex jokes, who like to feel attractive and arousing when they go to the swimming pool for example, who like to be looked at, imagine how it eventually would make any girl feel if she takes the one of this video seriously. I have to write it somewhere but this video is full of misandry yes, but it is also judgemental and agressive towards girls who feel good about their sexuality.)

“Daddy you would be so ashamed because I’m wasted. No wonder I’m raped when I’m twenty one.” Doesn’t it feel strange that she carries on reporting things to her dad ? Is her mum totally retarded ? I love how she plays on the double meaning of her formulation (wasted), it conveys her despair very well.

Is she obsessed with how her father would be ashamed of her… because she was drunk (wasted) and abused by guys several time ? Of course not, if she told him that, he would be shocked, sad and naively supporting. But she actually pronounces these words for the other meaning they can carry: “You would be ashamed of how much I am overrun by my sexual urges.” In that sense “I’m wasted” is the result and the indicator of these urges. She knows she is acting weirdly and in reality, she doesn’t blame men, that’s why they are so beautiful in the video. She is looking for a reason why everything is so fucked up in her life, but she actually cannot put her finger on it. So she talks with this very judgmental falsely understanding tone because she actually cannot truly put the blame on the guys with whom things went wrong in her life. She cannot say “Tony was a fu***g asshole ! Tony did not rape me, only because I ended up saying yes because I was so scared etc…” She is vague and general because she doesn’t mean what she says.

She is not raped at twenty one. Five seconds earlier we saw a hand in pants very crudely, because it happened, she is not lying about this fact but she is lying about what happened in the taxi and we would know it if we were given just as much as a glimpse of the action. She was desperate to get rid of her virginity (at 21 of course, when society is officially on her side) and found a solution.

And also, "no wonder I'm raped at 21." No wonder !?! Seriously ? No wonder ? Is she that incapable of taking care of herself ? Is rape something that happens to you when you look in another direction one second and suddenly "Oh no ! Too late I've been raped ! Shit ! I didn't see it coming."

She has sex with the son of his dad’s friend who used to tell dirty jokes. “As Daddy was attracted to this man, I suppose it’s ok if I’m attracted to his son.” She is trying to make it acceptable for her to have sex although Daddy still hasn’t acknowledged this fact and still owns her sexuality. She still is his.

And yeah, men who tell dirty jokes tend to become rapists, that’s a fact he he. No one should joke about sex ! It isn’t a laughing matter, sex is effin’ serious ! It is funny how her discourse looks like an exercise written in order to learn fallacies: Appeal to consequences, argument from adverse consequences, confusion of correlation and causation, half truths, slippery slope etc…

So, is she raped, isn’t she raped ? If she is raped, what about the police, about pressing charges, about the relationship between her father and his former friend going to shit ? Oh, ok, she is only telling the story of all her troubles with males but she did not feel like telling us how the police did not take her seriously or that she never told anyone this story because it would not have made any difference. Hasn’t she got any female friends ? Are there only male predators in this world ? She doesn’t tell anything to anyone because she wasn’t raped, she raped herself.

Strange concept isn’t it ? What I mean by that is that she wanted very much to have sex but it made her feel disgusted with herself. She still feels totally unattractive, dirty and ashamed. And thus, it is easier to blame it on the dirty boy who was raised with criminally dirty jokes… and whom she has fancied all her life because he so obviously wasn’t ashamed of his sex urges and because she liked his sex jokes (which turned her on).

It has to be said that this rape does not seem to have any psychological consequences either. And the juxtaposition of the rape and the finding of “Mr.Perfect” is not a coincidence. She has gotten rid of her virginity, suddenly she manages to find a boyfriend. Did she ever have one before ? No. Why is he “Mr. Perfect” ? Because she has given up on her sexuality.

And then comes the “checklist” which is her feeling guilty about her libido again. “I meet mister Perfect (what kind of impersonal denomination is that ?) and you’re so happy for me daddy because he really adores me (A clever way of giving us the impression that she is happy when she actually subtly avoid saying anything about her happiness. Why ? Because that guy will never make her happy and she knows it), and he is smart, with a great job (He comes with a great job, like batteries with an electric toycar) and all through the winter he goes cross country, skiing three times a week just like you.”

All of this is the poor girl trying to reconstruct an image of herself that she can believe would be loved by her dad. She is only running after the feeling that if he knew about her filthy libido, he would still love her. And her solution is to find a guy whom her dad would love, or who is just like him. “Look Dad, I married a guy who is just like you, what’s the hidden message ?”

“But one day he stops being mister perfect, and I don’t know why.”

Because she doesn’t love him, because they never have sex, because she tricked him into a humiliating relationship that he would have refused if he had known what was lying in wait for him. More, if he is “Mister perfect,” he is a man who is ashamed of his sexuality just like her and what he needs to heal is a “bitch” who would not make him feel guilty because he is attracted to her but instead would be happy about it. He has chosen the worst girl for himself.

“We’re still the world’s greatest couple”

Everything positive that she says about him or their couple is used as a symbol aimed at reassuring herself: their marriage, his good job, his name. All of this is a fight against her inner misery. Everything has to be clean and white and perfect because she feels dirty inside.

Notice that, she never gives the name of any man. She criticizes them, but she won’t look at them as individuals. She is about to marry “Mr. Perfect” but he remains anonymous. Her violence towards men is astounding; when we see those little boys at the beginning and we think her problem is that she is going to be attracted to them, we find it easy to understand, but she is actually saying “you see these little angels, they are monsters !” Her stigmatization is very violent and unrestrained.

Her couple with “Mr. Perfect” quickly goes to shred, and she doesn’t know why. It is because of the fact that as “Mr.Perfect” is as ashamed of his sexuality as she is he cannot complain, he cannot tackle the topic, he wouldn’t know how to do it, plus she would react very badly. So, very slowly he grows exasperated with every word she utters because he cannot believe she is never going to acknowledge the problem. He wants to make love to her, he feels humiliated and rejected and sad and depressed (there are images of him crying desperately) but she just talks about their marriage and their couple falling apart.

When she says that she really doesn’t know what’s going on, she doesn't mean “I’m so nice I’m not going to tell you what a monster he really is,” she says it because she has entirely suppressed her libido and any sexual dynamic which could have anything to do with it. She can’t remember that once, she wanted to make love, she wanted to be taken and touched and kissed and she actually truly wonders what she did wrong. She is not playing “nice” while expecting the audience to blame him, she actually does not know why things got so violent. But things only got as far as she is ready to go in order not to have to face the fact that she has sexual urges. And through all the violence, she unconsciously hope that she might find the strength to face what is wrong with her.

He starts hitting her because that’s all that’s left of their bodily interactions and because, dare I say it, that's what she actually wants. She want things to become so shitty that it is less painful to admit that she is not what daddy wanted than to carry on coping with the relationship. She never think about leaving the guy because she knows her following relationship would be the same. Until he strangles her and, yes, she enjoys it. Being strangled can trigger sexual pleasure. And it awakens the force, yep, it’s a joke but it’s not a joke, the force is a metaphor for the sex drive in “the force awakens,” (and star wars in general) anyway, being strangled makes her remember what it is to be aroused and she loves it. But the pleasure sends a rush of shame and guilt in her mind and she is immediately forced to drown our judgement in her perfection and cleanness and I-am-normalness: “I’ve got a PhD, a fantastic job, I’m loved by my friends and family, I’m well brought up and nobody saw this coming.”=> Nobody saw my utter filth coming. Nobody realized that I love sex more than anything in the wooooooorld ! I am a whoooooooooore, Yeeeehaaaaaa !

I mean, how in the world would her sentence make any sense if she is truly talking about a boyfriend who beats up his girlfriend. "I've got a PhD and I didn't see it coming" What !?! Do they give course about guessing when your boyfriend is going to hit you ? "I've got a fantastic job and I didn't see it coming that my boyfriend was going to beat me up" Sorry ? "I'm loved by my friends and family, how could my boyfriend hit me ? It's only when your friends and your family hate you that your boyfriend hits you." None of this make any sense. These statements are to be understood on another level (which I described in the previous paragraph: her clean and perfect life is only here to hide something she is ashamed of).

Her general conclusion is very sad as she ends up blaming the whole world for any random occurrence of men’s libido in people’s everyday life and completely suppresses women’s from the picture.

“Dear Daddy, this is the favor I want to ask. One thing always leads to another (ah ah, now that’s a strong point), so please stop it before it gets a chance to begin.(What ? The sex drive which you think he finds shameful ?)”

And HOW could he stop every single guy from telling her she is a slut ? What does it still have to do with her Daddy ? She seems to think that he is god. He is not, but he is still the one who could change everything, because the whole story is the story of a misfire in her development because of a problem with him. He can change her entire world because he can change HER.

“Don’t let my brother call girls whores, because they’re not.” Again, her vision of males is incredibly violent. We still are given images of angelic boys with the idea that they are going to become Evil. It is scary. Her brother would never call a girl a whore, just like her dad certainly never did. Her certainty rises from the fact that she knows that all men have a libido and to her it becomes an aggression because it confronts her to hers.

“And one day, some little boys might think it’s true. Don’t accept insulting jokes from weird guys by the pool or even friends, because behind every joke there is always some truth.”

What an amazingly not even ambiguous statement. So, she was a “bitch” in the end and that’s why it hurt so much. It’s because they were spot on. Hi hi. She is still trying to confess her sex drive to her dad.

“Dear Daddy, I know you will protect me from lions, tigers, guns, cars, and even sushis without thinking of the danger for your own life. But Dear Daddy I will be born a girl please do everything you can so that won’t stay the greatest danger of all.”

So, if the whole purpose of the video was to come to this conclusion, aren’t all the contradictions of this girl strange because uselessly developed ? “Please, I’m a woman, born to be victimized” Her message cannot be taken seriously. It is so very degrading for females in general. “Daddy save me, because I can’t possibly defend myself against normal average boys my age and mum is just a useless human being, and other women too !”

Strangely by the end of the video she takes time to stop addressing her dad, “don’t accept insulting jokes from weird guys by the pool.” What is an insulting joke ? Is it a joke that suggests that you like sex ? It’s not insulting. Is it a joke that suggests that you are attractive or arousing ? Same thing. She accuses everybody because unconsciously she wants people to stand up to her and show her that they actually have no problem in saying sex is fine, sex jokes are fine. She wants to hear women acknowledge that “yeah, I think I’m a total bitch, I can’t resist a guy who displays desire for me”, “Yeah, and I think I’m a bit of a whore” and laugh about it.

I can very well see her getting worse:

“If a guy looks at you weirdly at your workplace, press charges against sexual harassment. Women won’t tolerate to be treated like potential sex partners anymore ! And NOBODY will ever dare suggests that they can be sexually arousing or aroused!”

So, I think this video shows very well how a girl’s life can be completely fucked up if her parents doesn’t make her feel good about her sexuality. More, I think it shows pretty well the traumatizing experiences that kind of girl can inflict to guys.

Because they are ashamed of their sexuality and find it degrading and dirty, they will give the boys who are attracted to them the feeling that they should be ashamed of it, that what they want is shameful, and that if they get anything, it was against the girls’ will. Girls like that will make boys feel creepy, abnormal, manipulative and abusive and evil (Just like society already treats men like good-for-nothing). That kind of woman creates distrustful guys who won’t dare to get involve emotionally in a relationship because they are traumatized. That kind of woman creates traumatized guys who won’t dare listen to what girls have to say about a potential sexual encounter.

At the end of the video, she still accuses her dad of having insulted women when he was young. The thing is, her dad looks perfectly harmless and sweet. He is not the kind of guy who would do such a thing (I mean, of course appearances are deceitful in real life, but we are in a constructed video) and plus, she has no proof, no real example. This statement is still an attempt at getting a reaction from him. We shouldn't forget that she isn't yet born. She could invent any element, just like she is inventing everything.

Also, she is not a fetus (I know, It seems like I'm contradicting myself here, but isn't it because the video is absurd ?). How could she be ? How could this way of presenting things not be fallacious ? She uses this trick as a way to be seen as essentially harmless and passive and innocent. She is terrified about the idea that her dad might for one second think that she is partly responsible for what happened to her; because if he thinks so, even for one second, he’ll know she has a libido, and she cannot cope with that idea.

But truly, she is at the origin of everything that happens to her and she has destroyed a lot of lives along the way. It can easily be as traumatic to be accused of raping a girl when you didn’t and would never do such a thing because you are just a simple sensitive guy as it is traumatic to be actually raped. Suicide lurks around the corner of both experiences, except that nobody gives a shit about men who are abused by girls.

Really, there should be many campaigns to make women feel better about their sexuality, to make them forget about their “Angelic” ideals and to raise awareness on how everything can go wrong when you prevent women from accepting that deep inside they truly are “dirty whores.” Hi hi. Yes ! You all are ! Don’t fight it ! You are even worse than poor innocent and naive men ! :p

In case it isn't obvious, this interpretation is actually an attack at the video which I think is atroceously stupid and pathetic. I honestly don't know how they could possibly make such a contradictory video but the message is truly "all boys are monsters and potential rapists" and I wanted to show how hypocritical and absurd it is. But I'm really astonished at the girl's character. It is as if they gave the stick to be beaten, or didn't believe in what they were doing and wanted to fail.