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Star Bars VII is utterly disappointing !

Publié le par Kevin

(Spoilers, but seriously, no spoilers… is telling you about the death of a character a spoiler when it is so obvious it is embarrassing because it feels as if it was done so that stupid people will market the film by saying “OH ! I REALLY SHOULD NOT TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE NEW STAR WARS THAT I HAVE ALREADY SEEN AND NOT YOU BECAUSE I COULD SPOIL SOMETHING BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG.” Fuckin’ idiots seriously.)

I did not intend to go and see Star Wars VII in theatres, and even less that soon after its release. The thing is, I fell for its marketing approach. By that I mean that the trailers revealed very little and that as everybody was saying “it’s great” I eventually became quite curious about it. It doesn’t mean I bought the fact that it actually was great but simply, I became very interested in being able to make my own opinion. So I went and what I saw instead of a movie was a giant blowjob to spoiled nerds or geeks or whatever stupid terms is used to refer to idiots who think they should rule the world because they know better than everyone else and if they don’t get what they want they’ll cry a lot because you’ve raped their childhood which is still in the process.

Seriously, serious –fucking- ly, as ridiculous as it sounds ! No spoilers !?! The film is a fucking remake of the first Star Wars ! WHAT IS THERE TO SPOIL !?!

Yes, Han Solo dies ! But if you don’t see it coming from miles away you’re just retarded enough to be happy with the whole film ! Dammit ! It is so unoriginal people are going to start saying positive things about the prequels !

I am so shocked and disgusted to see so much talent being wasted to please a bunch of selfish narrow-minded retards. How can anyone see a third film with a Deathstar being destroyed by one well-aimed shot given at the right time and not feel that something very wrong is going on when THIS FILM IS NOT CALLED A REMAKE !

When I saw these giant crashed spaceships in the trailer, I thought “Yeah, I would definitely wanna see another story in that universe” when I saw the X-Wings, I thought “Yeah, I would really want to see some other epic battles, as long as they have a reason to happen and they make some sense.” (Trauma from the prequels) And I won’t be hypocritical about this, the film delivers some very great moments, which you see in the trailers which revealed nothing except the only new things you’ll see in the movie, the rest is copied and pasted from episode four.

Seriously, everything that is new in this film is truly great, but it’s about 30% of it. So when you see an asshole on the internet saying with enthusiasm “It totally respects the Star Wars universe, it is so truthful to the original trilogy !!!” well, it’s an asshole because this film is from the first trilogy, it’s called STAR WARS (IV).

While watching the force awakens I had the feeling it had suddenly been hijacked by a group of fans who could totally rewatch the same star Wars material and find it super awesome as long as the number in the titled was changed and the director would make some wink at the fact that he is kneeling before their highnesses. And the craziness goes as far as some reviewers stating with seriousness “And the fan service is ok, it’s subtle and there isn’t too much,” The entire waste of talent and energy that the film is IS fan service !

And what's new only tastes like a (good) fan fiction : “Oh, I’ve got an idea. What if we wrote the story of a Stormtroopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer !” "It would be so coooooooool !" The film is just a pure ride for fans and the two main characters are YOU. And lucky YOU if you’re the girl because it’s very popular at the moment to lick some feminist ass and the film does do a lot of licking at its beginning. But I’m alright with that because if you understand well, you’ll see it flips a bird at the feminist agenda pretty early before treating the characters as individuals more or less independently from their genders, which is how you fucking do things! (I'm wrong here but sshshshhshs)

So thanks to YOU stupid egocentric selfish internet fans for preventing a good director and good screenwriters from writing a new Star Wars movie ! I’ll have to wait some years to see one, unless we’re served with STAR WARS IIX: The First Order Strikes Back. (Edit: I've now seen The Last Jedi and won't make any comment).

Yes, I was annoyed when I wrote this. It was agreably cathartic.